December 4, 2011

Testimonies: Suzi Caughran, Part 3

I guess I was the lucky one, I got to read this story all in one chunk.  I promise, I will get the fourth part out as fast as possible.  Enjoy!

I continued in my relationship with this man. I even moved from Seattle to the bay area (San Francisco) with him and a few years later, married the man that was for me aborting our child. We eventually divorced and I left and moved to Spokane area. I remained single for the next 8 years. I still thought I could catch the man of my dreams as long as I gave up everything to him! Apparently, I am a slow learner.

I did finally meet a wonderful man , with a huge heart, Carl. We dated and then married on April 12, 2003. This being my third marriage. We have been in Cheney for the last 5 ½ years. I will fast forward to the last 3-4 years. I met a neighbor, Sherri, who asked me one day if I would be interested in attending a woman’s bible study at Life Center on Tuesday mornings. I thought why not…we are both not working and what harm could it be? So, I started going with her and found myself so enjoying the bible study…..I surprised myself. I had never picked up a bible in my life before that. In fact, I had to go buy a bible because we were studying Ruth and I had only been given the New Testament and couldn’t find Ruth in the NT! So, my husband bought me a beautiful learning bible for Christmas. There started my hunger for God’s word……all the while I had no idea how God was working on me.

As I continued in my quest to learn the word, I had met another wonderful neighbor Seelie. She and I started working on Genesis, and that was fascinating and so amazing to me. We studied Genesis for almost a year. Sherri had always invited me to Life Center services, but I always declined. In my mind, I had spent far too much time in catholic churches hearing stuff that never made sense to me. As I was moving along on my journey, I did start to notice that I changed my music, that I had a great distaste for main stream tv and movies. Wow… weird. My language was cleaned up……and it wasn’t even hard to change. It was very natural. Although, I still did drink more than I should and I was on antidepressants. Following a hunting trip last September, I decided to quit antidepressants and drinking so much. As I look back on that decision, I can see why I was led to do that. If God had not put that on my heart I could have never gone through the healing and forgiving process of my abortions., because I would not have been able to feel. God was gently nudging me.

Sometime in early January of 2011, I was moved to go to church. So, I googled churches in Cheney. Up came Four Square Church and I thought that sounded good, I would go that Sunday and check it out. I went to Seelie’s house that week and told her about going to church. She asked what church, so I googled churches again, and the first one that came up was Cheney Community Church. I hadn’t seen this church the first time. So, I thought…..why not, this services starts at 10am….I liked that better! God is amazing isn’t he? As Seelie, Jack and I arrived for service that Sunday, I was given a bulletin and in that bulletin was an insert on iChoice, and the speaker was Colleen. None of this made an impact on me until Colleen started the video about abortion. I was so overcome with grief and cried like a baby. I didn’t know what was happening. I couldn’t tell Seelie and Jack, because you see…..only Carl knew about one abortion……I had so much shame, guilt, and loss over my abortions. It is something you don’t share with anyone because you are so ashamed and horrified by what you did. So after the service, I was so moved that I knew I needed to contact iChoice the following day. On the way home, I cried and my heart was in so much pain, I asked God for forgiveness of my sins and knew at that moment I had been forgiven. I was on such a high,………I couldn’t believe it. I later did call and tell Seelie.

The next day I contacted iChoice and signed up for the orientation. As the week went on, I was out walking my dogs and was very strongly led by God to confess the other two abortions. I thought that maybe God and I could work those other two out just between us. No…….no negotiating on that. I was brought to tears and my heart broke in the field where I was standing that day. I confessed and had to tell my husband about the other two. I really figured that would be the end of my marriage that day. He was so kind and gracious and was wondering if one was his.

I assured him, "No," that it was more than 20 years ago.

Keep staying tuned!!:)

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